I got my Switch a week ago. In that time, I have beaten Mario Kart. Truly beaten it. I have bested it along every possible dimension. I have triple starred every 150cc, Mirror, and 200cc race. I even triple starred each 50cc and 100cc race, unknowing that they would be completed automatically as the stars for 150cc filled in. Even such a thing as great as Ignorance itself cannot halt my power. I have beaten every staff ghost in every time trial. I have seen races so close your mind has scarcely a chance to produce the shimmer of a thought of other possibilities before I inevitably emerge victorious. I have acquired the golden kart, the golden wheels, the golden glider, and the golden Mario. Neither koopa nor inkling stands in my way. Toadkind fear me. “Yoshi” is but a whisper of a time long past, back when the earth was young and unconsumed by my frightful force. I am become Toadette, destroyer of time trial records.